Greetings Earthlings, Wendy Darwin here, broadcasting on Planet Earth,
the globe with a death wish, the celestial orb currently suffering a mass extinction event called 'The Anthropocene.' Dear beloved Earth, what WERE you thinking when you evolved the Homo sapiens sapiens sub-species? Do you need a spanking...? or a Darwin Award dummy?
Since 1993 I’ve read 10,000+ DA submissions, written 1000+ Darwin Awards and Honorable Mentions, published six hardback books – each with 8 REAL SCIENCE science essays – I AM The Darwin Awards.
Happy Father's Day!
Papa Ken is my father. Thanks Papa for setting me straight about federal taxes. My first “real” job out of college, good pay of $14/hour, my first paycheck—whew, was I pissed at the tax bit (Ya see, I already spent the full paycheck, in my mind!) Well Papa set me straight.
“Wendy you're looking at this the wrong way. It is your honor and you duty to pay your taxes. Taxes build our roads, build schools, they pay for teachers and firefighters, fund the national parks, higher education, your pell grants for college, all kinds of things America provides that make it possible for you—and others—to get that good paying job.”
He set me straight. I never forgot.
Each time I see that tax bite, I remember I am grateful to live in the United States Of America. It is my service to my country, to pay my fair taxes.
And speaking of taxes and tax cuts, is it not bonkers, that some Ultra-Wealthy among us are salivating for yet more tax cuts? ...they never learned they have a civic duty to pay their fair share? Who can imagine the cold, dark heart of those multi-billionaires—not all but some—who are so hot for mo’ money, mo’ money, mo’ money, They Will Flush Democracy Down The Drain—jes gimme money.
Ugh.
Ugh, those hungry ghosts, those greedsters, they have so much yet are not satisfied.
[Imaginary Voice] “Well, Wendy, who cares about that, I just want my ju-ju-bees.”
Well, Imaginary Voice, the Earth System is suffering a steep decline. Suffering Capitalists Run Amok. Suffering constant pollution of CO2 and CH4, suffering from burning oil to power the engines that convert mountains into minerals, and forests into sawdust, in order create the disposable consumer lifestyle that slick advertising persuades Earthlings we need to be happy. And then those 'consumer goods' turn into mountains of toxic trash and nanoplastic particles polluting every animal, and every plant, and every baby.
Capitalism Run Amok is a dreadful disease for a Planet.
Capitalism RAN Amok because some—some—Some Ultra-Wealthy Oligarchs can never get enough money, and they decided to charge CUSTOMERS extra, grab a buttload (heh) of customers’ MONEY and use it to bribe people in power to pass laws. Laws for why? Why, to let them greedster even more and more.
It is a whirling spiral of doom capitalism.
Doom doom doom doom, doom doom doom doom....
The ants go marching two by two, hurrah hurrah.
The ants go marching two by two,
the little one stops to tie his shoe,
and they all go marching down...
into the ground…
I like wealth, I like wealth for all. I became wealthy from the Darwin Awards books, wealth with a “small w” because I still have to budget for big ticket items and, I'm not 100% secure about my old age, but I am doing well. Thank you DA readers and fans. Thank you America, super grateful for the good fortune of allowing my science writing skills to blossom into a pot of gold.
Science led me to evolution, that ubiquitous law of nature led me to Darwin Awards, DA emails and questions led me to web-mastering a website 'at the birth of the internet,' that website led to a nerdy 'cool site of the year' award I still have! And to published hardback books... it was a great roll for a science writer.
Thank You Fam.
Grateful.
However, some Ultra-Wealthy are not grateful for their wealth. Some are irritated they do not have enough. They buy off politicians to rewrite rules to let them pillage our natural resources faster and faster. They don't know that they are trapped in a never-ending greed orgasm. [heheh she said orgasm] [shut up beevis]
And that leads me back to Papa and Father's Day.
My POP only finished 8th grade. Mom— I remember her once crying at the kitchen table as she tried so hard to budget food for our family on her husband's Air Force Sargent salary. My folks are hard working Americans, solid middle-class good eggs. Papa Ken read old history books constantly. Ken was a self-educated scholar of fascism, especially after FOX NEWS made its pustulent debut in our living room.
What, my friend, is the DEALIO with these fucking American Oligarchs? Why are they sucking up to a Nazi-curious clown, just to get a fucking tax break from a 2024 Election Revenge Presidency? 🙄
The way I see it, most wealthy people are grateful, they become philanthropists who buy and preserve wetlands, grant money to world health projects, good things come of their riches.
But some Ultra-Wealthy are not grateful to the workforce and to the nation. These fucks identify certain politicians who also value money over people, and pay them 'donations' to slash the rich-person tax brackets near 0. These fucks buy judges with crazy secret gifts, and these bought-and-paid-for judges veto consumer protection laws that previously had kept citizens healthy, by making businesses... Make Safe Products Safely.
These Ultra-wealthy ingrates use their money to make money by harming citizens.
I hope you have already watched Senator Sheldon Whitehouse's series, The Scheme, that tracks the dark money through the dark alleys and shows us how it's done. “Wake up and smell the beans!” I would say, but I'm pretty sure my audience already knows the fragrance of these beans we're discussing.
Mmm. Coffee beans. It's the beans I'll miss the most, when the weird weather wreaks havoc on our crops.
My Papa couldn't logic as well as I can,
with my U.C. Berkeley education and fancy jobs.
But Papa Ken was smart. Knew right from wrong.
Wise words to illumine my childhood concerns
about the insanity of humanity.
Golly every kid knows, the world is crazy.
KEN taught me, IT IS O-KAY TO SHOUT PROFANITIES AT FOX NEWS.
KEN sang Woodie Guthrie songs, and introduced me to the famous guitar, “This Machine Kills Fascists.”
Ken Hated Fascists.
KEN my father, described how his family lost the family farm to greedy BANKERS in The Dust Bowl calamity when all the crops failed and no one bailed out the farmers, the people who knew how to till the land.
KEN saw those bankers pour good farm-milk into the river to keep milk prices artificially high. He saw hungry people stand on the riverbank watching that milk flow away, held off by rifle-toting thugs bought by The Bankers.
Happy Father's Day, Papa
Thanks for the love.
So, FOX NEWS, that shitcan joke came on the TV in 1996. Papa and I were forced to hear it, because my stepmom would throw a hissy fit that would last for days if we turned off FOX News. We just had to suffer. That's how I learned that FOX NEWS was creating a viewership of marching morons.
FOX viewers are not stupid. I have told you enough about my history for you to understand that I respect people whatever education they receive, whatever local lingo they learned, whether they can spell well, these things are superficial, these things do not correspond with intelligence. FOX NEWS viewers are intelligent.
But if you and your neighbors have been fed bullshit logic from FOX NEWS for years?
Look, it is not just dumb, bullying, superficial, mean-ass crap. It's also the FOX NEWS anti-logic campaign. There are rules of logic, and fallacies of logic, and FOX NEWS for 30 years—in my own direct knowledge—has been shouting logic fallacies at their audience with great sincerity, pretending it's news, year after year after year.
https://www.grammarly.com/blog/logical-fallacies/
Logical Fallacies. For instance, the...
AD HOMINEM FALLACY, “She is a terrible teacher because she wears gaudy earrings, fire her! We need teachers with morals.”
RED HERRING FALLACY: “They 'say' President Reagan had Alzheimers his second term, but Obama can't even pick out a matching wardrobe!”
STRAW MAN FALLACY: “These nutsax are gonna cut every drop of oil immediately, no gas for you tomorrow, no gas ever again, if they get their way. Vote 'em out of office!”
Every logical fallacy in the book, 15 logic fails, were shoved down the throats of the FOX NEWS viewer, as haha-funny infotainment. For thirty years. I was in the room where it happened. Thanks Stepmom, thanks to your miffy temper tantrums I was forced to learn The Secret Sauce of FOX NEWS.
[ whisper: “not to mention the BOTOX and rare eye blinking on-camera, that make them look super-sincere as we subconsciously process their fake-o facial expressions.” ]
And, the result of this logic-kryptonite experiment? Well, today, some FOX watchers can only understand the weird FOXNEWS chain of logical fallacies, constantly fronted on FOXNEWS since 30 years ago. The viewers who absorb this sewage, they don't realize they have been trapped into an illogical understanding of the world.
They don't realize they have been conned into thinking without logic.
Sigh.
Bada boom, bada bing.
All right, let's land this plane.
On Father's Day I salute Papa for teaching yourself history by reading hundreds of good old history books. I honor you for hollering, “You Damn Fascists,” at the likes of Newt Gingrich, and Mitch McConnell, and Laura Ingraham.
And I feel most of all, your love for me, because you taught me how to see the road America is rolling down, ever since creepy ol' Murdoch bankrolled FOX NEWS, ever since Ronald Reagan made a “deal with the devil” for votes, we've been on the road to... TODAY.
I am not eager to give Planet Earth a Darwin Award for evolving... us people, and our eco-cidal machine, but I will do it if I have to. Let's educate one another, and stand against
planet-killing capitalist fascism, shall we?
And – that's the Father's Day time-warp wrap-up.
I've been Wendy Northcutt and this is The DarwinAwards: Planet Earth.
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