Historic August Darwin Awards
A hot month for winners. Let's review.
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Hello friends! August, in some places, is a hot lazy summer buzz of insects and weekend BBQ. Historically this month is filled with great Darwin Awards. Let’s recap some of the best history from Augusts past. Read the abbreviated lessons, and click thru if you want more details. And…Support this publication by purchasing a low-cost subscription!
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Armor History Lesson: 16 Years Ago…
(26 August 2006) Bored And Testing Stuff…
England | Darren's death was a puzzle. The 33-year-old was found slumped in the hallway of his house, bleeding from stab wounds. Had an assailant attacked him? Police could find no supporting evidence. A year later the Inquest revealed why Darren can take his place among the stars of the Darwin Awards. Left alone in the house while his wife was on holiday, he decided the time was right to test if his new jacket was stab-proof. . . !
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Pallet History Lesson: 5 Years Ago...
(August 2007) FORKLIFT AROUND AND FIND OUT
Japan || Logistics was uppermost in the mind of a warehouse employee of Tanarumono Logistics. The worker needed to change a light bulb ten meters overhead and the forklift could only reach 2.5 meters, clearly not close enough. Expressed as a math problem: A person can reach a light fixture 2 meters overhead — and wants to replace a lightbulb 10 meters overhead — so how many 15-cm wood pallets must be stacked onto a 2.5 meter forklift platform, to reach the burnt bulb?
Title Suggestions From Readers
"Even The Odds Were Stacked Against Him"
"Jenga Difficultly Level: 10"
"Stack Attack!"
"An Unpalatable Death"
"Pallatative Care"
"Skidmark"
"If a forklift can lift you 2.5m, then the sensible solution is to stack four forklifts on top of each other."
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Heedless History Lesson: 25 Years Ago...
(23 August 2007) “Out Of Their Minds”
|| Darwin notes: "This sort of thing is rare today because changes were made to vehicles to protect the guilty, but for a minute there were quite a few incidents reported to the Darwin Awards."
HOLLAND || A group of employees was thrilled to enjoy a team-building bus tour, and get a break from BAU (Biz As Usu). It was sunny and the more boisterous employees enjoyed sticking their heads out of the rooftop window, like puppies in the wind. And then it happened — two men were singing lustily as the wind caressed their faces, when the bus entered a viaduct. . .
and the Heedless became the Headless. . .
which really isn't a thing, they only snapped their necks, a quick painless death and a lesson for the rest of us.
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Train History Lesson: 20 Years Ago...
(2 August 2002) LONG LONESOME TRAIN
Kansas | Driving along Interstate 35, an Olathe driver's sloppy-jalopy broke down. Attempts to repair it were futile. So the man pulled out a cellphone—the mobile's moniker in 2002—and called for a tow. As he ambled along the railroad tracks parallel to the freeway, he focused intently on the device (as one does) and was utterly oblivious to the sound of a train whistle...
The train engineer reported, unbelievably, that the man covered his left ear so he could better hear the conversation on his device!
Darwin notes, “Death By Cellphone” has become so pervasive that it is no longer seen as astonishing! We are accustomed to infestations of Phone Zombies!
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Chicken History Lesson: 27 Years Ago...
(more) COUNT YOUR CHICKENS
Egypt || Six people drowned Monday while trying to rescue a chicken that had fallen into a well in southern Egypt. An 18 year old farmer was the first to descend into the 60-foot well…
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Wild Animal History Lesson: 15 Years Ago...
(more) BEER FOR BEARS
Serbia || It's well known that alcohol impairs judgement. It's well known that carnivorous wild animals and humans don't mix. What happens when we combine all three...?
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Swimming Pool History Lesson: 14 Years Ago...
(more) ONE FOOT IN THE POOL...
Indonesia || Charles had just completed his studies at King William's College, and his dreams were ambitious. He planned retire by the age of 30. Unfortunately for Charles, his expensive education omitted an important lesson from the curriculum...
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Grenade History Lesson: 16 Years Ago...
(more) HAMMER OF DOOM
Brazil || August brings us a winner from Brazil who tried to disassemble a Rocket Propelled Grenade by driving back and forth over it with a car. This technique was ineffective...
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Flotation History Lesson: 16 Years Ago...
(more) FAITHFUL FLOTATION
Gabon || During an impassioned sermon, a congregation was surprised to hear their 35-year old pastor insist that one could literally walk on water, if one had enough faith...
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Snake Hunting Lesson: 23 Years Ago...
(more) SMARTER ANIMALS
Tehran || An Iranian hunter was shot to death by a snake !! that coiled around his shotgun as he pinned the reptile to the ground. Another hunter reported that Ali tried to was pressing the butt of his shotgun against the snake…
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DIY Lesson: 12 Years Ago...
(more) DO IT YOURSELF, DO YOURSELF IN
Summer, the most blissful of seasons, when Darwin's most popular summertime activity -- do it yourself stupidity -- kicks into high gear. Meet Charles, 34, a Denver masonry contractor who works with
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Gym Electricity Lesson: 22 Years Ago...
(more) POWER PUNCH PROVES FATAL
England || Ian was a fitness fanatic and self-employed electrician living in a seaside town. He had recently converted one room of the cottage into a new gym. Among the weights and exercise equipment…
Thanks sweet heroic E. Jean!
My FB crowd says, A vest with stab protection, may not be bulletproof. Bulletproof vests likely no protection against blades. Furthermore, a vest that is BULLET & BLADE resistant may not protect against spiked weapons!!
I wish I could lure the crowd away from FB -- FB censors my factual climate posts!!
I'm a scientist -- stand back FB.
You had me at "stab proof!!"